*The names of the students interviewed are pseudonyms to protect their confidentiality.
For many, high school is a period of social exploration: new friendships, new hobbies, and, notably, new romantic relationships. Considering the average high school relationship only lasts six months, students are bound to encounter their fair share of breakups—some civil and some ugly.
Here are the five most common methods for breaking up with someone in high school.
Ghosting
There is no feeling quite like the disappointment and frustration of opening your phone and realizing your romantic interest has seemingly disappeared.
While some think ghosting is terrible, Chloe* viewed it as a last resort to escape her “situationship.” “I felt uncomfortable being around him, so I felt like my only option was just to cut contact with him,” she said.
After ghosting the guy, Chloe “felt fine” but worried he had taken it poorly. “I honestly forgot about it after a day, but he was upset about the fact he got ghosted. It was probably an ego blow,” she said.
Though ghosting proved effective for Chloe, she doesn’t encourage others to do it. “I would only recommend it if you’re in a situation where you don’t know the person very well or if you feel uncomfortable,” she said.
Instead, Chloe suggested “listing your problems and trying to have a conversation with the other person.”
Friendzoning
Months of hopeful flirting and getting to know another person can end in an instant with the dreaded friend zone.
Chris* friend zoned a girl after recognizing a lack of chemistry between the two of them. However, contrary to the intentions of friendzoning, Chris explained that he and the girl “would not be friends in the future.”
“I felt bad after, but it did feel like a weight off my shoulders,” he said.
Chris explained that friend-zoning seemed appealing at the time because it “came across as honest.” Yet, according to Chris, the breakup was “too honest, to the point where it was ridiculous.”
He instead wishes he had kept things simple. “Flowers were probably the better option,” Chris said.
Still, Chris believes friend-zoning is one of the better ways to go about breaking up with someone. “[Friend-zoning] is effective because trying to be as honest as possible in a situation like that is the best way to help a person understand so that their feelings don’t overtake the logical side of their brain,” he said.
“It’s not you, it’s me”
One of the biggest lies ever told during a breakup is “It’s not you, it’s me.” These five words are used to mask the real reasons for ending the relationship.
Gracie* met her ex-boyfriend through mutual friends. Their relationship didn’t last for long. After he asked her to be his girlfriend, Gracie got cold feet and started pulling back.
She eventually called her ex-boyfriend and broke up using this method.
“I just felt bad because whenever you break up with someone, obviously you’re not gonna feel good about it,” she said. “He said he was kind of disappointed, but he understood where I was coming from.”
Though Gracie’s breakup was “civil,” she described the method as “too cliché.” “I would get offended if someone broke up with me like that,” she said.
Gracie only recommended using the “it’s not you, it’s me” method for people who genuinely feel that way. “If you’re making up excuses and that’s one of them, it’s too boring, you need to add more to it,” she said.
“I’m not ready for a relationship”
Even though breakups are impossible without relationships, many teens claim they’re “not ready for a relationship” when ending the romance they previously sought. After months of dating, Jane’s* ex-boyfriend broke up with her using this excuse.
“It was pretty miserable and I coped with it really badly,” Jane said. “It got worse because I found out that all his reasons for breaking up were fake, and he actually was just getting with someone else.”
Now, Jane explained, she and her ex are “not on good terms at all.” She wishes she had known the whole truth from the start. “A really big key in breaking up with somebody is you just need to be honest. At the end of the day, honesty is going to hurt them way less than anything else,” she said.
The Girl/Guy Best Friend
Nothing is worse than the all-consuming fear of having a partner tell you “not to worry” about their girl or guy best friend. Unfortunately for Peter*, his ex-girlfriend broke up with him not once but twice for one of her guy friends.
Following their first breakup, Peter and his ex got back together. But not long after, she broke up with him again for another guy best friend. “I was so stressed out, it was a really terrible period of my life,” Peter said. “I should have learned my lesson.”
Though the two are now on good terms, Peter explained that being broken up with for a guy friend-turned-romantic interest, was a “weird, confusing, and negative experience.”
For those contemplating breaking up with their partner, Peter recommended to “just do it in person. Sit down, be mature about it, and say completely what’s going on. The other person wants to actually know why.”
Peter encouraged others in his position to stay open-minded. “Don’t just think about yourself. Think about the other person because it could be negatively affecting them and you just don’t know it,” he said.
