Courtesy Grant Maletis

Satire: Winter Is Here and So Are Your Toes 

The newest trend this winter has been bare feet in the cold. Ever since winter started, close-toed shoes have gathered dust, instead replaced by truly appropriate winter-wear: flip-flops.

“I lost my Uggs, and the only shoes I could find were my flip-flops,” senior Trenn Startar said. “I haven’t touched them since my summer bedroom deep clean, so I knew just where they were.”

This fashion statement that started simply out of convenience quickly exposed unforeseen benefits. The first appeal that students have noticed is the chance to show off their seasoned pedicures. 

“I haven’t gone to the beach in four months, so I haven’t gotten a pedicure since then,” junior Nial Paulioush said. “I like how my grown out nail polish resembles a french tip, but with low maintenance.”

Next, it is a phenomenal sensory experience. Trudging across the Green is like walking through a free mud bath, as mud seeps into the soles of the shoes and in between your toes. 

“It had just freshly rained while I was walking across the Green, and the mud soaked my Rainbows all the way through,” sophomore Moe D. Feat said. “When I walked, it made a noise that sounded an awful lot like ASMR.”

Additionally, for those who love to be the center of attention, this statement will get eyes looking your way. 

“I had three people come up to me and ask me if my feet were cold!” freshman Notie Ceable said.

“I made it into five private stories during one lunch period after stepping in a puddle!” junior Looksy Loo said.

The benefits don’t stop there. Winter attire often prioritizes warmth throughout the whole outfit. Many students find themselves bundling on too many puffers, scarves, and sweatpants to go for a “winter aesthetic” look—like it’s not 60° in California. Flip-flops are a great quick-fix to avoid overheating while still maintaining the rest of your East Coast look. 

“I get goosebumps on my feet,” freshman I.M. Colt said. “I didn’t even know that was possible.”

It is also a great option for P.E. Since damp grass and muddy fields are common during winter, open-toed shoes provide the benefit of drying quicker and avoiding the discomfort of peeling off wet socks after class. Off the record, we’ve heard teachers particularly appreciate when you run the mile in flip-flops, too. 

Your bare feet will match the bare trees, making flip-flops fit right into the winter season. When they can save you from extra effort, wet socks, and overheating, they become an obvious choice for the January wardrobe rotation.

Ivy is a junior in her second year of journalism. In addition to writing about campus culture and voicing student opinions, she designs for The Mark and is part of the social media team. In her free time, she does dance for M-A and her studio.

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