In the past, workplaces, barbershops, gyms, and social clubs were crucial meeting spaces for men. These spaces were an important part of creating valuable male friendships, but they were also often hotbeds of sexism. The feminist movement has shined a light on sexism, justifiably causing male spaces to deteriorate. Though in many ways the loss of male spaces has brought about more inclusivity, it has also created a decline in male mental health and an increase in male loneliness. We should root out sexism from all-male spaces but continue to promote them, as they can be extremely beneficial to men and can even help to undo some of the worst aspects of toxic masculinity.
One male space in my life is Camp Tawonga, the sleepaway summer camp I annually attend. While co-ed, the camp is separated into gendered cabins (including cabins for gender non-conforming kids) and much of my time as a camper was spent in all-male spaces. Tawonga strongly encourages vulnerability, freedom of expression, and the idea that “being a man” doesn’t have to follow traditional ideas of masculinity. The camp also has activities like the men’s campfire, a gathering where we discuss shared challenges and support each other by outlining goals for self-improvement.
The shared male experience provides a jumping-off point for male friendships and allows us to freely express our vulnerabilities, essential for our mental health and well-being. Since much of toxic masculinity is about how we appear to women and societal expectations, a male-only space provides an opportunity for expression without judgment.
Since much of toxic masculinity is about how we appear to women and societal expectations, a male-only space provides an opportunity for expression without judgment.
Another piece of camp that we can bring into society is how positive male role models help to reform male spaces for good. Male staff members lead by example as they wear gender-non-conforming clothing, paint their nails, and openly share their emotions in a way that fully disregards societal stigma and judgment about what a man should be.
Yet, these male spaces still struggle with some of the classic issues of all-male spaces. Last summer, I was a Counselor-in-Training for a bunk of 15-year-old boys who often discussed and sometimes objectified women from other cabins. This is “locker room talk,” which reduces others to sexual objects. One thing we are taught at camp is that not only is it unacceptable to make a harmful comment to someone’s face, there is also impact in that language and it’s never acceptable to reduce a person down to their body. This idea that speech can be harmful to women, even without them present, is a necessary pillar of a reformed male culture. It allows men to think about women in ways that create more meaningful relationships and a shift to fairer perceptions of other genders that promote a healthier society.
Today, the thought of a male-only space brings up images of online incels, Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. Just like the male-only spaces of the past, these online cesspools are only more reason to be suspicious of male spaces. Yet, these examples are symptoms of a larger problem: the male loneliness epidemic.
In a 2023 State of American Man, Equimundo survey, they found that 44% of all men had thoughts of suicide in the prior two weeks; 65% of men aged 18 to 23 say that “no one really knows me well, and that only 22% of men have three or more people in their local area they feel close to or depend on.
Recently, CNN reported, “Less than half of men report being satisfied with their friendships, and only about 1 in 5 said they had received emotional support from a friend in the last week,” and “We gender relationships as feminine,” Chu said. “If that’s a feminine thing, it becomes a weakness or a liability if (men) admit to needing friendships.” The inability of men to reach out is tied to learned traits of not showing weakness or vulnerability because of toxic masculinity, and it also makes it harder for men to build friendships in the first place.
The inability of men to reach out is tied to learned traits of not showing weakness or vulnerability because of toxic masculinity, and it also makes it harder for men to build friendships in the first place.
One way to help the next generation of men combat the male loneliness epidemic is to use all-male youth programs as pillars for modeling good relationships and non-toxic behavior. Male spaces like those at Camp Tawonga, as well as programs like the Boy Scouts and youth sports, can be opportunities to teach young men how to interact in ways that are healthy for themselves and others.
