Satire: Record Low Number of Fights This School Year

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As of this 2019-2020 school year, there have been a record-breaking 0 number of fights. 

“I deleted my snapchat,” said a senior. “There’s no use for it anymore.”

“I feel disconnected,” said a junior. “I just really miss the sense of community and togetherness that comes with a bloodthirsty mob. Without that, I don’t feel like a bear. I lose my sense of PRIDE.”

The G-wing is desolate. Tumbleweeds roll through Pride Hall during lunch. Sam has been spotted lounging in an innertube in the pool. Staff members have donned flip flops since they no longer have to run to break up fights. There has been an increase in staff obesity since teachers now have time to eat lunch. 

“Everyone’s just eating lunch and talking with friends and going to club meetings and doing homework and getting involved. There’s nothing to do,” said one disgruntled student. 

The M-A Chronicle has faced a steady decline in both student journalists and articles now that all the problems at M-A have been fixed.

Sarah Marks is a senior. This is her third year as a journalism student. She looks to continue writing news and sports articles as well as expand and write about issues in the school and surrounding communities.

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