Apply to Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University Today!

1 min read

Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University <MHVCU@mhvcuadmissions.com>

Hi Sarah, 

Congratulations on being invited to apply to Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University!

I wanted to personally reach out to you. Have you been receiving my emails? I’ve sent thirteen emails today. Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University has yet to receive your application, so you must not have seen my previous emails. 

Sarah, I want you. You are an individual who has attributes, and you would be a perfect fit for our university. Here at Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University, we value you, specifically. As a human being, you have potential to be a person in society. That is what we look for in a person.

What we also look for is diversity. We desperately need diversity. We have various clubs for various types of people. We accept every People. We need people who aren’t white, cisgender men. Please. We need someone. 

Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University cares for its students. We offer a variety of scholarship opportunities that could cover anywhere from a $5 off at the University gift shop to your entire tuition! Fill out this form to see if you qualify (if you don’t qualify, please still apply, and give us your money).

If you still don’t think you belong, take this short survey to find out what college is best for you. Not every college is right for everyone, but this one is. 

We understand that college applications are stressful, which is why we have eight required long essay questions you need to answer in order to apply. Our due date was yesterday, so we look forward to receiving your application ASAP.

If you don’t want to submit an application, that’s okay too! Not only are we test optional, we’re essay, extracurricular, and grade optional too! Just show up for Orientation on September 16, 2024! It will take place in the middle of the woods. There, you will meet our staff of sad, divorced men who have dedicated their lives to working for us and teaching you! Make sure to bring plenty of water! You will not be leaving until your four years are up.

Can’t wait to see you become a part of the Fothergillas Folks here at Mountain Hill Valley Canyon University!

All the best,

Mountain Man 

Director of Admissions

Sarah is a senior at M-A and this is her first year in journalism. She wants to write about policies at M-A as well as satires. She likes to draw and play ultimate frisbee.

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