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One More Bill in Oklahoma to Promote Christianity and American Exceptionalism

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With the bill in Oklahoma to ban AP United States History (APUSH) moving along better than anyone could have ever imagined, a follow-up bill has been proposed further outlining the curriculum of the US history courses that can be offered in Oklahoma.

Because most of America’s founding fathers were Christian, Oklahoma will be upholding a much more in-depth curriculum regarding Christianity in U.S. history classes. “Technically, students don’t have to be Christian,” quoted one of the bill’s writers, Abraham Monning, “but they sure do have to learn about it.”

While the first Oklahoma bill outlines the mandated instruction of the Ten Commandments along with two prominent sermons, the second bill takes biblical learning even further, with summer reading including the New Testament of the Bible and a comprehensive knowledge of all episodes of Veggie Tales. To pass the class, students must also complete a comparative essay between Thomas Jefferson and Jesus. When asked to comment, Monning chanted “USA, USA, USA…” before he began an unrelated scathing indictment of global warming.

The bill will also affect other history classes, giving them a more patriotic position; European history will be changed to “England and Other Europeans: Why We Beat them in the Revolutionary War” and sophomore world history will be “A History of the World and Why the U.S. Economy is Way Better”. The bill also suggests the addition of a two-week elective course titled, “Native Americans: Why We Had to Get Them Out of Here,” a subject that will no longer be taught in the regular U.S history class.

Many Oklahoma senators look forward to the passage of the bill; Monning was quoted saying he eagerly awaits “the wonderful ignorance it will foster in our grandchildren.”

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