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Satire: PlantLove

1 min read

Dear Horvord University, 

I am writing this letter to inform you of my international 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, PlantLove. As part of my work, I have spent the last three years fundraising and promoting plant equality. We are a dedicated group of high schoolers who dedicate their lives to teaching plants positive self-talk and educating them about systemic plant inequities. My involvement in PlantLove can explain the lack of rigorous classes in my transcript because I usually spend around 10 hours (per year) working for my non-profit. I simply do not have the time to juggle it with academics, not to mention my biannual plant babysitting.

I started PlantLove after learning about the horrific conditions plants are grown in across the world in science class. I then watched a Tiktok video on the acres of depressed-looking plants in Madagascar and realized that I needed to bring change into plants’ lives. I teamed up with a Malagasy farmer who was equally as passionate about providing plants with resources to thrive both physically and mentally in his country. We spent three weeks walking through the fields, addressing each dying plant individually, telling them to take plant-mental-health-days and that it’s okay to ask for help. I read each plant their individual horoscope of the day so they’d have something to live for. 

Through various bake sales and car washes, I have raised over thirty dollars. The other one million dollars came from generous donors who were impassioned by my texts, whom I pleaded with about the consequences if I did not get into my dream school. I am forever indebted to my aunt, uncle, mom, and dad for these donations to this honorable cause.

I even visited Madagascar over winter break and watched the plants dance with the water, fertilizers, and feel-good powder I was able to purchase with the donations. Caterpillars and aphids began to appear, a sign that my work was not only benefiting plants, but also insects. As a sign of appreciation for my work, the plants’ leaves even turned brown and started drooping.

I plan to expand PlantLove to all third-world countries whose plants are suffering. 

After countless emails and a wire transfer, the President of the United States recognized my efforts and gave me the National Honorable Legitimate Official High Schooler Service Award, the most prestigious service award for youth in the country. 

I would love to answer any questions you may have for me regarding PlantLove, so feel free to reach out. I hope you consider me for admission to Horvord University, where I will take advantage of the limitless resources Horvord offers to continue my studies in horticulture and advocate for plant rights, dedicating every ounce of my time to giving a voice to the voiceless.

Sincerely, 

HorvordHopeful

Jolene is a senior at M-A and this is her second year in journalism. She looks forward to writing more opinion pieces about controversial topics this year. In her free time, she enjoys running track and listening to music.

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