Satire: Why Men Need the Blue Discount

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Photo Credit: macrovector on Freepik.

What defines womanhood? Is it the sparkly pink dresses you wore as a child? Is it the soft, jelly grip of a chic women’s razor? Is it washing your hair with fruity-fresh shampoo after breaking the bottle out of its nice purple packaging?

Women are so lucky to have the privilege of these beautifully-tailored luxuries. And what’s left for the men? Boring blue business.

Feminist ideals have faced righteous pushback since their conception. However, as these ideologies progressed socially—throughout the 20th century especially—women gained their independence. Lavender vanilla chamomile body wash, neon pink bottles of shaving cream, sweet sugar-scented deodorant, shimmery purple nail polish, gold eyeshadow in cute, little containers, and pretty-pink all-natural menstrual products. 

Yet head to the men’s section, and all you’ll find is a minty musk bottle of 15-in-one shampoo, conditioner, mouthwash, gasoline, laundry detergent, multi-purpose pet wash, and more.

Hence, the blue discount: a system that reduces the cost of men’s goods to compensate for their lackluster commercial options. Let’s see how this works in practice. 

Say there are two choices for shaving razors: one is a fantastic, glittery pink razor which—although it will become dull in two days—is equipped with a sleek figure and features a stunning model on the box to emphasize how one should look. The other: a simple blue razor packaged in a basic, monotone box—lacking all the same bells and whistles used to entice female purchases. Does that seem fair? Through the blue discount, the average $45 price of the female razor would be reduced to merely $15 for the male version.

Despite the flawless equity of this system, there has still been pushback, so I must refute some of the most overused arguments. 

“If you hate the men’s products so much, you can just buy women’s products,” some may say. Well, I obviously can’t buy those. I don’t want all that feminine junk. I have my reputation to uphold, after all.

Some may also argue, “This isn’t the blue discount, this is the pink tax. You’re targeting women by increasing the prices of their products.” To which I say, no it’s not. If women didn’t have to have all those premiums, their products wouldn’t cost so much. 

Ultimately, the blue discount strengthens societal equality and provides men with proper reparations for the privileges (like sparkly pink razors) that they are denied.

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